Frances H.

I am more like her now than before. The situation with friends, having nobody to whom I can easily talk. Even crying in the theatre during the play about lost-in-her-mind girl from 13. floor. "I'm so embarassed, I'm not real person yet", "I'm not messy, I'm busy". Alone, undatable - that's my state since few days (years?). Since I have been alone in Łódź. Now I see that relations and relationships are more complicated than I thought. I'm like Frances. 

now I think I'm not:
responsible
mature
determined (!)

oh, and one more thing.
if you get to know that all your best friends are going for a trip basically without you (what's more without letting you know about it! you can feel annoyed and forgotten / lonesome. even if you really haven't done anything wrong. today I hate them for this feeling inside of me. today I wish they would feel the same as me some day). I'm like that girl from 13. floor. I was thinking about death so many times through last year. God made this so stupid, nothing is worth afford, everything sucks, but in the same moment everything is so wonderful that you cannot think logically. BUT from one more another point of view, we, people, have rules, tendency to live on a good level in our life, work more than we should work. I am in this cage, in this trap. I don't really know what to think and how to live. I don't know anything: scio me nihil scire.